Any advice for a new step mom? I always think my step son likes me, until...?

My 9 yr old step-son has openly admitted to wanting me out of the picture. I get it. I ruined to image of a happy family for him. I take him places and buy him things that his mom would never do, and we have a blast! But in the end he still tells my husband's family and his mom that I treat him worse than I treat my 2 and his his little sister. He tells everyone that I treat him badly when his dad is not around. Should I not watch him when his dad isn't there? I love this kid. I've known him for 3 years now. When his mom and dad were dogging him out because he got left behind in school, it was me who started studying with him. When he behavior was out of control and his dad just wanted to whip is butt, and his mom was too busy smoking weed to care, I set him up with a counselor at his school that he could talk to when he's having a hard time. I don't want a pat on the back. I would do the same for my own kids. Any advice on how to make him like me and not bad mouth me to others?Any advice for a new step mom? I always think my step son likes me, until...?
That's really good you took to him like that. Many are like ';not my child'; and say the biological parents will have to deal with it. What about his mom? Maybe she doggs you out around him and it rubs off. Maybe she tells him stuff like you aren't a good person and bad mouths you. Not sure about the father's family, though. That is a bit odd. I have been there before and it's hard, but I would see about the mother. Some kids are taught to hate someone or at least like it whenever around their real mom/dad because that makes them happy or gets approval.Any advice for a new step mom? I always think my step son likes me, until...?
Give him time believe me you are an awesome step mom. If he do not get it now believe me you will be the first he will thank when he walk across that stage. Don't give up he need you right now and he is still a kid. This is a big change in his life.

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maybe he gets brownie points with the real mom for bad mouthing you. thats probably what she does all the time and he gets attention for going along with it.
If you love the Dad and this boy then it will show. Talk with your husband about this behavior and how you've helped your stepson. Don't try to reason with the boy...at 9 he's just looking out for himself...and it will get worse for you when he turns 12 or 13...please read the book 'Bringing up Boys' and you'll get an insight into his behavior. By the time he's out of his teens, he should start to 'see the light' and behave better...even though in his heart he will have known that you love him because you were steadfast and didn't waver in your concern and love for him. Your stepson will still at this age 9, listen to your husband...so he has to be a strong enough man to teach his own son, right and wrong...and teach that it's wrong to lie, then it will go better for you. Your husband also needs to defend you to his family.
First of all stop taking everything he says personally. If you think about it kids are programed from very early that step parents are bad. He may just be trying to make you fit this mold even tho he knows your not bad and are helping him. Continue helping him and let him know that when he tell speople bad stuff about you that it hurts your feelings. If he continues to say stuff about you then stop doing activities he likes one at a time time when he asks why explain that since he thinks your so evil you don't feel you should do this or that for him anymore. GOOD LUCk
Time for an honest one-on-one talk with him. He probably doesn't know his bad behavior is getting back to you. Don't be judgmental, don't point a finger at him, just tell him what you know to be true (not gossip) about what he is saying to others about you. Ask him if HE really believes what he is saying is true. Most important... let him talk, don't disparage what he says, just listen to him, listen for understanding. He is crying out for attention from someone. He is very lucky to have you on his side! Don't give up on him. If you can have ';thick skin'; now, you'll reap the rewards of a lasting relationship in the future. (Think Mother's Day 2017!). Good Luck!
First I want to congratulate you because not any stepmom would do what you are doing with him..


Sometimes at this age they just want to be hugged kissed and just hear them about their day at school, and try to have something planned for his father and him for a boys night out, maybe he just wants to be with his dad, like go to a zoo, or an aquarium.. Hope this helps a little.
you sound like a WONDERFUL person, so don't take what this 9 year old says personally. Understand that HIS family was torn apart (not by you but you are the inter loafer who married his dad). His father now has other children and he probably feels like he is taken a back seat. He is being bounced back and forth and it's really rough on kids.


I would just try to always be positive and understanding of his situation. Tell him that you understand that he is angry at the situation but you would like to be his friend (not his mother) and don't discipline him EVER...just tell him that you will have his father deal with any discipline issues. Keep being a supportive friend and I'm sure that things will improve. Again, try to remember that anything he says is mostly a reaction to a crappy hand he's been dealt by your husband and his mother.
So you take him places and buy him things that his mother won't. Do you really think that undermining his mother's authority is the way to being a good step mother?